She'll Never Know
by Kneazle
Summary: Michael's thoughts on Halloween and at the Winter Carnival, all centering around Mia.
1. She'll Never Know

She'll Never Know

Kneazle

Disclaimer: all characters belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. Song "Invisible" by Clay Aiken. 

Summary: Michael's thoughts on Halloween night, from book 2 of the Princess Diaries, "Princess in the Spotlight".

_Saw your face in the crowd_

_I call out your name_

_You don't hear a sound_

_I keep tracing your steps_

_Each move that you make_

_Wish I could read what goes through your mind_

_Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life_

            I noticed the limo first before everyone else did. Sleek, black, zipping around the New York street corner. I couldn't see who was in it, but I didn't need to know. I knew it was Mia – how could I not? I love her. I really do, since before she was a Princess. I saw her when she was invisible. 

            Mia and Lars got out of the limo, which pulled away, and frantically searched for us. I wanted to wave, to shout and jump, but didn't. I had to act cool, act smooth. 

            "Oh my God! You came! You came!" I heard Lily shriek to her friend. 

            I glanced over and my heart skipped a beat. This… this _goddess_ was Mia? I felt my jaw slipping and snapped it shut. I then urged Lars and Mia near me. 

            "Quick," I said, "Get in line. I got two extra tickets just in case you ended up making it after all."

            Smart, Moscowitz, real smart. 

            I listened in to their conversation, and then said, "I knew that," to Mia's comment about being Glinda the Good Witch. I wanted to say more, and stammered, "You look really… you look really…"

            At Mia's pained expression I stopped. I didn't want to cause her any more discomfort than she apparently already felt.

            Kenny and Mia spoke briefly, making my jealousy flare, but it went away as quickly as it came. Mia wasn't mine – not yet, anyways – but I had my chances. After all, there had been that Josh thing, and Lars knew how I felt about Mia. I didn't want Josh to take advantage of her, and he did. That had been one of the most horrible nights of my life. What if Lars _hadn't_ been there? Something worse could have happened and I would never lived with myself. Never.

            I made sure that I would be sitting on one side of Mia – everyone else from the Computer Club and Lilly and Boris made sure of that – and that Lars would be on the other side, protecting her, but something happened. 

            Something weird. 

            Kenny ended up next to Mia. Not Lars. _Kenny_. 

            That should have been my first clue. 

            While we were watching _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_, I kept glancing over to make sure Mia was enjoying herself. But when I glanced over once, I saw Kenny do the same thing. That should have been another clue right there. I resisted the urge to turn in my seat or glance over my shoulder at Lars. But I couldn't help fight the panic-y feeling that was starting to grow in the pit of my stomach. 

            Something was going to happen. Something bad.

            After the movie, we all went to Round the Clock for pancakes, which was great. I once again sat next to Mia, but Kenny was next to her too. I was fighting the urge to bark out and asked him what he was doing, sitting next to her like that, where Lars couldn't get to her should the reason arise, but I didn't. 

            I wish I had. 

            I wasn't paying much attention to Kenny, but rather, sneaking glances at Mia and making sure that our legs brushed under the table accidentally.

            I saw Mia talking to Kenny, and I was wondering what they were saying. She had gone slightly pale and I was starting to get worried; was Mia sick? Was something wrong?

            But then she turned back to face the table and I felt it – a nudge in my shoulder. I glanced over, wondering what Mia wanted – but then I saw it. 

            Kenny's arm. 

            Kenny's arm around Mia. 

            Around _my_ Mia. My princess, the girl I'm in love with. 

            I panicked. I had to have; because I remember everything going really fast – the room spinning – I looked at Lars, _why, why_ hadn't he been more aggressive and sit next to Mia? 

Oh God. I was going to throw up the pancakes we ate. 

I stood and said in this (what I hoped to be) easy-going voice, "Well, I'm beat. What do you say we call it a night?"

Of course, this made everyone look at me like I was some kind of freak. I mean, I'm always up staying late with _Crackhead_ and here I am, stating I was tired. 

"What's with you Michael? Gotta catch up on your beauty sleep?" Lilly asked, smirking slightly where she sat next to Boris. 

I didn't say anything but take out my wallet and pull out some bills to pay my portion of the pancakes. 

Immediately, Mia stood. "I'm tired, too. Lars, could you call the car?"

Lars stood and looked ecstatic to be leaving, I thought glumly, with Mia. I wish I could be too. 

            That's when Kenny said, "It's a shame you have to go so early. So, Mia, can I call you?"

            Lilly jumped in her seat, I noticed, glancing at Mia quickly and then to Kenny, to Mia and then to me. She saw my fleeting look of panic and stood. 

            Everyone immediately rose and began forking out cash to pay pancakes, with Mia and Lars whispering and Lars pulling out his wallet – but no, Kenny had to be chivalrous and say, "Oh, no, Mia. Your pancakes are mine."

            Mia had the grace to look apologetic and flustered as she thanked Kenny. She didn't want him to pay, I knew she didn't, but she didn't press the matter. Those Princess lessons were paying off, I noticed. 

            Lars turned to me and handed me a twenty. "For the movie tickets," he explained, giving me a certain look I knew was meaningful. 

            I shook my head. I didn't want the money, why should I take it when Mia was with me? Even… even if she might be with Kenny now, I had the pleasure of sitting next to her and seeing her laugh and smile… and be herself.

            "Oh, no, my treat."

            "Well, thank you very much, Michael," Mia burst out. She looked much more enthusiastic about me refusing Lars' money for the tickets (which were, let me tell you, more expensive than their coffee and pancakes) than Kenny's refusal of pancake cash. 

            I – having special best friend brother privileges – was allowed to get a ride home with Mia in the limo. Before she went in, though, I didn't want to make one more mistake tonight. 

            I grabbed her upper arm, turning her towards me before she stooped. "What I meant to say before, Mia, was that you look… you look really…"

            She looked up at me and my mouth went dry. The pink and blue lights from behind me created a wonderful glow to her, making her look ethereal. I took in a sharp breath and stared at her, thinking how much I wanted to kiss her that very moment, damn all those who would watch…

            But then the moment passed as she blinked, and I said in a rush, "You look really nice in that dress."

            She just smiled up at me, a slow, sensual smile that had my heart beating wildly in my chest and I rocked a bit forward –

            "Are you guys coming, or what?" Kenny's voice yelled. 

            The moment was lost. 

            "Um," Mia looked flustered and stepped back from me, scratching at her arm as she did so. "Yes."

            She then turned and entered the limo, with me after her. It was then when I knew it: I should have told her. 

            I should have told her that I loved her. 

            But I never got the chance. 

_If I was invisible_

_If I could just watch you in your room_

_If I was invincible_

_I'd make you mine tonight_

_If hearts were unbreakable_

_And I could just tell you where I stand_

_I would be the smartest man_

_If I was invisible_

_Wait, I already am_

Oh wow, total angst there. Um… right. Shall I continue with Michael's POV of the Christmas dance? Tell me what you think in a review, okay? Hugs, Kneazle [Dec.12.03]


	2. Heaven on Earth

Heaven on Earth

Kneazle

Disclaimer: all characters belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. Song is "Misty's Song" from Pokémon. 

Summary: Michael's thoughts at the Winter Carnival, from book 3 of the Princess Diaries, "Princess in Love".

_I practice all the things that I could say, _

_Line by line, every word_

_I tell myself today could be the day_

But every time I lose my nerve 

_I look at you, you look away_

The Winter Carnival 

            I noticed when Mia entered the gym. I always noticed her, at any given time. How could I not? I was in love with the girl, the Princess. 

            She was with her friend Tina, wearing this gorgeous green velvet dress, one that clung to her and showed off her figure (the one she believed she didn't have) and made her look stunningly beautiful in my eyes. 

            Tina dragged her towards us, toward the Computer Club's programs, and stood at the end of the line. To me, Mia looked like she wanted to be somewhere other than where she was now. 

            I bit back a sigh and then forced a cheerful smile on my face. "Come on up!" I said, waving them over towards me. Mia blushed slightly, glancing at Tina, and then worriedly at the crowd but she still came. 

            She came!

            As she moved to go to one of the other computers, I said, "Here, Mia, sit at this one." I pulled out a chair by one of the computer terminals, one that the monitor wasn't turned on. I turned it on and Mia just looked at in forlornly. 

            I wondered what she was thinking, and for one odd, brief moment, the saying _faint heart never won fair lady_. I don't know why… but I took it as a sign. 

            "Wait, what are you _doing_?" Judith asked, as I turned to look at her, shocked. She looked angry, wondering what I was up to. I thought I was fairly transparent in the fact that I loved Mia… but…

            "No, that's okay. I have a special one for her."

            Judith rolled her eyes and moved to make sure the other kids enjoyed seeing Principal Gupta in a dominatrix gear. 

            I watched from behind Mia as the screen changed. I couldn't help but let my eyes stray to watch her, see her expressions when she saw the game I invented for her.

            She was slumping as she thought about something, probably wondering why her boyfriend didn't ask her to the dance – what a jerk, really – when the opening scene came on. 

            She sat up straighter, and leaned a bit forward as she looked at the castle. It had been one of the hardest things to create, with all the tiny details, but from the look of it, I thought proudly, it had been worth it. 

            Then together we were up over the castle walls, and Mia bit back a little gasp when she saw the rose garden I had created for her. I knew she loved roses, what girl wouldn't? And all these roses were perfect and pink and just what a Princess would want. 

            Next came the banner and I sucked in my breath. Soon it would be the time, when I would know whether or not Princess Amelia 'Mia' Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo loved me as much as I loved her. 

            The banner fluttered in an invisible wind, and then it stopped. I held my breath and waited, silently reading the words that I knew Mia was reading. 

            _Roses are red violets are blue… You may not know it, but I love you too._

            To my horror, Mia screamed and knocked the chair back as she stood. I took a couple steps back, sure that everyone in the hall could hear my heart shattering and breaking into a thousand tiny little pieces.

            The kids around us started laughing as Mia stared around her, looking like a deer caught in headlights. She was pale and shaking and – I just couldn't describe it. I didn't know what to think. 

            I didn't laugh, I couldn't. It wasn't a joke to me, and it wasn't something I would ever take lightly. Didn't she know how much I cared?

            She stared at me, as I counted my frantic hearts' beats, an odd, shuttered look on her face as she did so. 

            Then, she was moving again and she grabbed Tina by the arm, pulling her towards the gym doors. 

            "Mia!" I shouted after her, taking a few steps before stopping. She didn't want me to follow her; she didn't glance over her shoulder at me.

            I didn't know what to think, except that in an hour or so, I'd be able to go home and mope, thinking about the love of my life, and the love that I had lost.

_Why, why do you turn away? _

_It must be you're afraid like me. _

_I try (I try) but I can't pretend that I -- _

_Don't feel for you the way I do _

_Can't you see?_

            I had been sitting in my room, humming and strumming "Tall Glass of Water" when the phone rang. I was too dejected to care about it at first, so when it stopped I didn't move from where I was sitting on my bed. 

            Then the answering machine went off. 

            "You are the biggest idiot in the world, you know that?" My head jerked up. _Lilly_ was calling me? Of all the times, and the people, she was calling me, calling me an idiot, on top of that?

            "I know you're there, Michael, and I want you to get your tux on, or something really nice and then I want you to **RUN** here, because guess who just walked through the doors with her bodyguard, all dejected about Kenny dumping her?"

            Mia? _Mia_ was at the dance, alone?

            I didn't stop to listen to the rest of the message. I was already out of my room and running down the stairs to make it to Albert Einstein before Mia left. I wouldn't lose my only chance to tell her in person that I loved her. I wouldn't.

            I ran down the street, my feet pounding against the pavement in the same tune as my heart as it beat against my ribs. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't care less other than the fact that I had to get to Albert. 

            I finally did, pushing the main door opening and skidding down the hallway until I reached the gym hallway. There, Mia stood in her dress with Lars in front of her, looking over her shoulder at me. 

            She was sitting on the bleachers by the gym, her head resting gloomily in her hands. Mia then stood, saying in a clearly sad voice, "Come on. We've been here long enough. I still have a lot of packing to do. Let's go."

            Lars replied with a, "Okay," and then winked at me. He stopped, and Mia glanced at him, confused, but turned to see what he was looking at. 

            She looked like she stopped breathing when she saw me, leaning slightly on bent knees, breathing hard. 

            "I didn't think you were coming," I said in a wheezy voice to her. 

            She blushed and opened her mouth. "Well, I almost didn't."

            I let out a breath of hot air and stood straight, and starting walking towards her, all the while talking. "I called you a bunch of times. Only you wouldn't come to the phone." And therefore breaking my already crushed heart, I wanted to add, but refrained. 

            She looked stricken. "I know."

            "Mia," I began, looking at her, "With that thing today. I didn't mean to make you cry."

            She looked like she wanted to floor to swallow her up. "It didn't," she lied. Her nostrils flared slightly, I knew they did, even if I still wasn't that close to see that. I moved a few more steps closer. "I mean, it wasn't that. It was something Kenny said."

            "Yeah," I agreed, "Well, I heard you two broke up."

            She looked like she ate something that disagreed with her stomach. She even placed a hand on her stomach and paled. 

            I continued talking. "The thing is, I knew it was you. Who was leaving those cards."

            "You did?" Mia squeaked out, looking like she was going to hit the floor in a dead faint. I hoped she wouldn't, but I was close enough to catch her if she did now. 

            "Of course I did," I answered, a bit impatient. Enough questions, I wanted to get to the point. "Lilly told me."

            Mia looked at me, right in the face, in righteous indignation. "_Lilly_ told you? How could _she_ know?"

            I waved my hand, brushing that question away. "I don't know. Your friend Tina told her, I guess. But that's not important."

            Apparently it was to Mia, because she turned her head and glared at said two females. They stopped talking to each other and became interested in something else. 

            "I'm going to kill them," she murmured, and was going to say more but I reached out and grabbed her by her shoulders. 

            "Mia," I started, giving her a tiny shake, "It doesn't _matter_. What matters is that I meant what I wrote. And I thought you did, too."

            She blinked up at me, frowning slightly. "Of course I meant it."

            I shook my head. "Ten why did you freak out like that today at the Carnival?"

            Mia blushed slightly and looked at the ground, before stammering out, "Well, because… because… I thought… I thought you were making fun of me."

            Seriously appalled by the thought, I ground out, "Never," and then swooped down to kiss her. 

            I had kissed girls before, but it was nothing, _nothing_, like what I shared with Mia. I saw those proverbial fireworks and knew she was The One. The one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

            I didn't even notice Lana walk by, saying, "Oh, God, get a room, would you?" Hypocrite. 

            The rest of the night was magical, in every sense. I danced with the girl I loved, holding her in my arms and never let her go. 

            It was Heaven on Earth. 

_I wanna tell you what I'm feeling, _

_But I don't know how to start_

_I wanna tell you, _

_But now I'm afraid that you might break my heart_

_Oh, why should anything so easy, _

_Ever be so hard to do? _

_I wanna tell you what I'm feeling_

_And to say that, I love you_

Aw, happy ending. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah all. Cheer me up with reviews, I'm sick. One more piece to go, I think – Mia and Michael's "break up" over Star Wars and veggie burgers. Maybe more, but I need Princess IV ½ first. [Dec.20.03]


End file.
